Why Victims Are Always Told to “Be the Bigger Person” & Why It Has to Stop
“Be the bigger person.”
It’s a phrase we’ve all heard. But why is it almost always said to the victim, not the bully?
Whether it’s in families, classrooms, or corporate offices, victims of emotional abuse and bullying are often told to stay silent, forgive, and maintain the peace. Meanwhile, aggressors face little to no accountability for their harmful actions.
This double standard doesn’t just fail to stop abuse, it deepens the trauma.
Victim-Blaming in Disguise
When someone is told to “be the bigger person,” the message underneath is often:
“Don’t make it worse.”
“Avoid confrontation.”
“Just let it go.”
But this advice is almost always directed at the person who has already been hurt. It shifts the emotional labor away from the aggressor and places it squarely on the shoulders of the person who was harmed.
This is victim-blaming, rebranded.
Bullying in Families, Schools, and Workplaces
Let’s be clear: bullying doesn’t end after childhood. It evolves.
- In families, it can look like manipulation, control, and emotional neglect.
- In schools, it shows up as harassment, exclusion, or scapegoating.
- In workplaces, it may appear as gaslighting, toxic leadership, or silent retaliation.
And yet, time and again, it’s the target of these behaviors who is expected to smooth things over.
Why This Is Dangerous
When victims are silenced in favor of keeping the peace:
- Accountability is lost.
- Patterns of abuse are allowed to continue.
- Survivors are retraumatized.
Instead of healing, victims are left doubting themselves, questioning their reactions, and carrying emotional baggage that doesn’t belong to them.
The Mission of The Echo Movement
The Echo Movement was created for one reason: to disrupt this pattern.
We believe in:
- Naming abuse when we see it
- Shifting responsibility back to the aggressor
- Creating spaces where victims are heard and supported
We’re not here to keep the peace. We’re here to demand accountability.
