Sibling relationships are supposed to be a source of comfort and connection — but for many, they become a source of pain. When sibling bullying happens, it’s rarely “just how kids are.” In many families, it begins with the way parents treat their children. From favoritism to constant comparison, from emotional manipulation to outright triangulation, certain parenting behaviors can create the perfect environment for sibling bullying to thrive.
What Is Sibling Bullying?
Sibling bullying goes beyond harmless teasing or normal disagreements. It’s repeated, intentional behavior aimed at hurting, controlling, or undermining a sibling.
This can take the form of:
- Verbal abuse – insults, name-calling, mockery
- Emotional abuse – gaslighting, humiliation, silent treatment
- Physical intimidation – pushing, hitting, blocking paths
- Social sabotage – spreading rumors, isolating you from others
How Parents Create Sibling Bullies
- Favoritism and the “Golden Child” Dynamic: When one child is consistently praised, rewarded, or excused for bad behavior, resentment brews in the others. The favored child may internalize a sense of superiority — and act on it.
- Constant Comparison: Pitting siblings against each other with statements like “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” fosters competition instead of compassion.
- Triangulation: In toxic family systems, a parent may manipulate communication between siblings to keep control. For example, telling one sibling something about the other to stir conflict.
- Scapegoating: Designating one child as the “problem” shifts responsibility away from the parent and creates a target for both parental and sibling abuse.
The Long-Term Impact of Sibling Bullying
- Self-esteem erosion – constant criticism can become your inner voice.
- Trust issues – difficulty forming healthy relationships.
- PTSD or complex trauma – from prolonged emotional abuse.
- Ongoing family estrangement – when reconciliation feels unsafe.
Breaking the Cycle
- Naming the Abuse: The first step in healing is recognizing that sibling bullying is a form of abuse — not a normal part of growing up.
- Setting Boundaries: Boundaries can mean limiting contact, refusing to engage in certain conversations, or going low/no contact with toxic family members.
- Seeking Support: Therapy, support groups, and online communities can help validate your experience and guide you toward recovery.
- Educating Others: Sharing your story can help others recognize the signs early — especially parents who may unknowingly be perpetuating the cycle.
Sibling bullying rooted in toxic parenting isn’t just “kids being kids.” It’s a learned behavior shaped by the dynamics at home — and it can leave deep emotional scars. The good news? Once you recognize it for what it is, you can start setting boundaries, finding support, and breaking the cycle for good.
