In family systems with toxic parents or narcissistic dynamics, roles often emerge, and one of the most misunderstood is the golden child.
From the outside, the golden child looks like the “lucky one,” the sibling who receives praise, attention, and apparent favoritism. But the reality is far darker: the golden child isn’t chosen out of love. They’re chosen because they’re easier to manipulate and control.
What Is the Golden Child Role?
The golden child is often assigned by the parent to be the “model” child. They might be praised constantly, given special privileges, or used as the family’s public success story. But beneath the surface, this role serves the parent’s needs, not the child’s well-being.
Common traits of a golden child in a toxic family:
- Compliance with the parent’s rules and image
- Willingness (or pressure) to side with the parent in conflicts
- Acting as an enforcer of the parent’s authority over siblings
Why the Golden Child Isn’t the Lucky One
- They’re Chosen as a Weapon: The golden child is often used to target the scapegoat sibling through triangulation — pitting one child against another to maintain control.
- It’s About Control, Not Care: Being the favorite isn’t about genuine love or deeper connection. It’s about the parent knowing they can mold the golden child to fit their agenda.
- They Carry the Parent’s Agenda: Golden children are often tasked with defending the parent’s reputation, covering up their abuse, and invalidating the experiences of other family members.
The Long-Term Impact on the Golden Child
Living in this role can lead to:
- Loss of authentic identity
- Difficulty forming genuine relationships outside the family
- Internalized guilt for participating in the abuse
- Confusion about what healthy love and loyalty look like
And just like the scapegoat, the golden child may experience emotional bullying from the parent, though it’s disguised as “expectations” or “constructive criticism.”
The Impact on Siblings
The golden child role often fuels sibling bullying, where the favored child feels justified in mistreating others because the parent rewards it. This can cause long-lasting resentment and estrangement between siblings.
Breaking Free from the Role
Recognizing the manipulation is the first step toward reclaiming your identity. This may mean:
- Setting boundaries with the parent
- Acknowledging the harm done to siblings
- Seeking therapy to unpack the conditioning
- Choosing authentic relationships over family loyalty to dysfunction
The golden child role may look like a position of privilege, but in a toxic family, it’s a position of control.
Both the golden child and their siblings are victims of the same dysfunctional system, just in different ways. Breaking free requires awareness, boundaries, and a commitment to healing.
Your voice matters. Talking about these hidden family roles can make an echo loud enough to disrupt the silence.
