When you’ve been through bullying, whether emotional bullying, social bullying, or even physical bullying, healing takes time. But too often, survivors are met with a well-meaning yet deeply harmful phrase: “Just stay positive.”
This is what’s known as toxic positivity, the belief that you should maintain a positive mindset no matter how bad your situation is. While optimism has its place, when used to dismiss or ignore someone’s pain, it can become another form of invalidation.
What Is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the insistence on positivity to the point where it denies, minimizes, or dismisses genuine emotional experiences. Examples include:
- “At least it wasn’t worse.”
- “Just be happy it’s over.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “Don’t dwell on it — focus on the good.”
While these phrases may sound harmless, to someone recovering from bullying trauma, they can feel like being silenced all over again.
Why Toxic Positivity Hurts Bullying Survivors
1. It Invalidates the Pain
Healing from emotional bullying or social bullying often requires processing difficult emotions. Toxic positivity skips that step, making survivors feel like their pain is unacceptable.
2. It Delays Healing
When someone feels pressured to “move on” without processing what happened, trauma can stay buried — often resurfacing as anxiety, depression, or even reactive abuse in future relationships.
3. It Shifts the Blame
By focusing on the victim’s “attitude” instead of the bully’s behavior, toxic positivity can make survivors feel responsible for their own suffering.
The Connection Between Bullying and Mental Health
Bullying isn’t just an interpersonal conflict — it can have lasting mental health impacts such as:
- PTSD and Complex PTSD
- Social withdrawal and isolation
- Trust issues in relationships
- Low self-worth
When these struggles are met with toxic positivity, victims may feel even more alone.
What Survivors Need Instead of Toxic Positivity
1. Validation
Hearing “What happened to you was wrong, and your feelings make sense” can be far more healing than any blanket reassurance.
2. Safe Space for Expression
Victims need to share their story without judgment or pressure to “look on the bright side.”
3. Trauma-Informed Support
This could include therapy, peer support groups, and educational resources on Types of Bullying and healthy coping mechanisms.
Think Before You Speak
Toxic positivity may come from a desire to help, but it often does the opposite, silencing pain, minimizing trauma, and delaying recovery.
If you know someone who has experienced bullying, resist the urge to offer quick fixes. Instead, listen, validate, and support them in ways that honor their healing journey.
Your voice matters. When we talk about these harmful patterns, we make an echo loud enough to disrupt the silence.
